Filters of our reality: The Victims

self-limiting beliefs and filters: part 4

In the last few weeks I’ve been providing a quick summary of a few limiting belief key themes, which I’ve divided into 4 groups: Doomers, Monotinites, Persuasionists, and Victims. These distorted perceptions usually reinforce our negative emotions and we use them to justify our ideas, usually making us feel bad about ourselves. This will give you a general idea of some of the hindering filtering patterns that happen unconsciously in your brain. The good news is that with practice, and coaching, you can learn to become aware of them and respond to them in a more resourceful way!

Here are a few of the Victims distorted filters we have… The ones whose hands are clean, and have life happen to them.

Do you recognise any of them? or have you been made aware of this behaviour by someone else? Don’t forget to write down your findings in your notebook!

VICTIMS

Blaming

You hold other people responsible for your pain, and negative feelings. You refuse to, or are blind to, take responsibility for taking action or making decisions to change the situation yourself. Nobody can make us feel any particular way. We are the only ones who have control over our emotions and behaviour.

Example: “My life is a disaster, because my parents did such a horrible job”; “Stop making me feel this bad about myself”; “It makes me feel so lonely when he does that”

Control

You either feel externally, or internally controlled. You see yourself as a helpless victim of fate, if you feel externally controlled. Life happens to you. There isn’t much you can do to manage it, it’s all out of your hands. Things are the way they are. If you’re internally controlled, you assume responsibility for the happiness of everyone, or the success of situations. You are there to please, and if something goes wrong, or someone behaves badly, it must be your fault.

Example – external: “I will never be able to make a life for myself in this country, the people just don’t want to accept me”; “I can’t improve my work efficiency, until they update their entire systems and tools. It’s the company’s own fault that I’m not performing as I should be”

Example – Internal: “Did I do something wrong?”; “Was it my fault?”; “I wasn’t paying attention during the presentation, and threw the whole thing off track with my idiotic question”

 

Have fun on your exploration, it can be a little confronting, but awareness is the first step to freedom. Don’t forget to share your insights and experiences with me here: @itsladylicious.

© Juel McNeilly

Featured Blog photograph: Stacey Williams

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