As preparation for each Ladyliciousness workshop, I ask the participating ladies to think about the most feminine woman they can think of. The one who possibly defines femininity for them, or an aspect of it. While I’m explaining, you might as well give it a try;)
Take a moment to choose someone, and ponder the specific qualities and attributes that make that woman feminine. Which words would you use to describe her? Close your eyes, and try to get a good sense of what you translate as femininity? Is it the way she dresses? Or is it something about her air, or the atmosphere she creates?
Take your moment… and then jot down any thoughts.
When speaking about femininity, female and male energy seem to be wrongly attributed to the gender we are born with; identify with; and/or live our lives by. Femininity isn’t about wearing frilly dresses, sobbing over a romantic movie, or delightfully giggling at puppies. That’s only one mere expression, and manifestation of it – and it doesn’t globally apply.
In the short exercise above, I’m sure you came up with all kinds of qualities, and characteristics that describe a true feminine leader or role model. Perhaps not in its traditional sense, but it’s probably a description of a strong human being, who challenges the status quo. I have many women come to mind when I do this exercise: Christina Hendriks, Chimamanda Adichie, Fatou Diome, Baddie Winkle, Maya Angelou, Beyonce, Audrey Hepburn, my mom, my mama… The words that pop into my head expand in all directions: Strength, Beauty, Courage, Elegance, Softness, Love, Sharing, Agility, Intelligence, Caring, Power, Inspiration, and so on…
I believe femininity is about knowing who you are, and owning yourself. Taking time to truly understand the fluidity of our human nature, with its continuous flux between our Female and Male energies. Owning it, by fine tuning your ability to tune into, and connect with what’s going on inside of you, at any given moment, so that you know what you need. Then taking all of that information as feedback, so you can take the steps you need to be agile in life, let your voice be heard, and create the life you want. It’s really quite simple, although truly surrendering to it can take practice.
Each and every one of us, both women and men, have two types of energy. Throughout history, people have referred to it in all kinds of ways. Some call it Yin and Yang; others Surrender and Direction; some call it our Female and Male energies, or Feminine and Masculine energies. I use the latter two, as a basis for my explanations.
Male Energy – our focused, linear, focused, ambitious side. Travelling the straight road between point A and B.
Female Energy – our creative, more random side. Full of possibilities, potential, inclusiveness, and love.
What is it exactly?
If we take our Male energy to be our focused, more linear side. This is the side of us that travels a straight road between point A and B; where we focus without distractions; where we are a strong force forward, directly towards our goals. Then our Female energy is our creative, more random side. A side full of possibilities, potential; inclusiveness; and the ability to impact our world from within the self (Love).
Basically, it’s like the difference between following step by step pre-set instructions, and brainstorming up a better way on the spot. Working hard and doing a great job everything that is expected of you, versus coming up with out of the box, sometimes brilliant, ideas to improve things. It’s following a recipe line by line, tablespoon by tablespoon, versus choosing to create something new with the ingredients you have, guided by what feels right. It’s taking the shortest, fastest, most logical route to work, versus taking a more scenic route because it’s prettier.
Remember that neither is better than the other. The importance is in becoming more aware of what lives in you, and the impact in might have on your life. If you live out your life mostly in your masculine energy, you might spend it narrowly focused, running towards a goal without much reflection. If you exist mainly in your feminine, you might get stuck in a chaos of continuous creation mode, constantly distracted by new inspirations. While both energies are extremely powerful when manifested inside of us, they both need each other to keep in harmony.